How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
