So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is Oprah even human
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
