Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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