In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
