Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
