It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So here I am, sexting at work.
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