I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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