You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
