Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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