I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
