i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
