WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
