I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
