You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
