Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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