I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
