and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
