apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
