I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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