Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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