ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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