I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
