I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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