I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
