It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
