put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
