sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
