I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
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OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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