I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
