He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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