capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
