i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
