That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
