U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
