put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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