Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
