I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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