both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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