From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
