I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
