Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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