so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
