I don't think brook has ever known best
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
