Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
