Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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