sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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