I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
kristin has been a bad kristin
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
