hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
