Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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