whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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