That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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