I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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