how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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