I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
