It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
