i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
