i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
