Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He felt like a one man threesome
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
