Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
