While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
