I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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