i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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