Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
