dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
