So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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