6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
