i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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