Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
