I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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