I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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