I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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